After watching all Rambo movies in various orders, I was moved by the depth of the films and more importantly the stupidity of supporting characters and their seeming lack of background knowledge of the main character, Rambo.
Following are some Rules I suggest supporting characters in possible future Rambo films should consider before taking on their part. Had past supporting characters read these Rules, it certainly could have saved them a lot of wasted time and in most cases their lives.
1) Do not tell Rambo “don’t engage the enemy”.
This is Rambo we’re talking about, you know what you’re getting into. Remember, put the right man on the right job. If you don’t want your man to engage the enemy, then perhaps consider hiring Van Dame or Segal.
2) Don’t doubt Rambo.
Again, you know who this man is, his abilities and if you’ve hired him, let him do his thing, stand back and count the bodies.
3) Do not tell Rambo to “forget about the war”.
He is Rambo. He has lived a life of war. What were you hoping for?
4) Don’t slap/hit Rambo.
Okay, you have him tied up at the moment, but this is a classic mistake. He always gets free, doesn’t forget and will certainly get revenge for every slap you’re dished-out.
5) Don’t mistreat a woman around Rambo.
Despite being tough and a fan of huge body counts, Rambo is at heart, a gentleman. If you mistreat a woman around Rambo you might as well start planning your funeral.
6) Don’t ditch Rambo.
Talk about a rookie mistake. You send Rambo out, go to pick him up and then ditch him. Start perusing coffins as you’ll soon need one (if there’s enough of your body left to be put in one).
7) Don’t torture Rambo.
If you thought slapping/hitting Rambo would result in eventual bad things, watch out if you’ve been dumb enough to torture him. He survived many years in a Vietnamese prison camp, does not enjoy torture and ALWAYS gets revenge on the perpetrators.
8) Don’t kill Rambo’s loved ones.
It’s very possible that Rambo values his loved ones more than himself. Should you be stupid enough to kill someone he cares for, find another movie to be in as your role in this one will soon be over.
9) The only thing Rambo hates more than the Viet Cong are Russians with Viet Cong.
If you call in the Russian to help you, you’ve definitely lost your mind and grossly underestimated the situation you’re in. While you may have died a fairly quick/painless death if you were just with the Viet Cong, add Russians and you’ve notched-up the severity of your eventual death.
10) Don’t pursue Rambo.
If you’re made it through the previous nine Rules and are doing this, then you clearly are thick and deserve to die. All who pursue Rambo are clearly craving death and will soon find it.
And get this, there are rumblings of a Rambo V – yes!!
Long Live John Rambo!
